To the woman He said: “I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16, NKJV)
With these words He spoke to Eve, God not only increased her pain and sorrow in conception and childbirth, He also permanently confirmed the relation of the wife to her husband as one of desire, dependence, and deferential submissiveness. The word “desire” means “to run, to have a vehement longing for a thing” (Pulpit Commentary). Thus, God gave distinct, definable roles to women and men. The husband has the role of leader, and the wife has the role of willing follower (Ephesians 5:22-25; 1 Peter 3:1-6). The reversal of these roles led to sin: “Because you have heeded the voice of your wife, and have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you, saying, ‘You shall not eat of it’…” (Genesis 3:17). The wife’s submissiveness to her husband’s leadership brings definable stability to the family, and to society. The husband is to lead his wife with love, and the wife is to defer to his leadership with devotion. Husbands must honor their wives, not oppress them (1 Peter 3:7). And, wives are to be submissive to their own husbands (1 Peter 3:1). God challenges wives to be sure your desire is for your husband, and not for another man, or for the man’s role in your marriage.
Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. (Ephesians 5:33, NKJV)
Marriage is a figure of the relationship between Christ and His church (Eph. 5:22-32). Under this figure, we learn how to conduct ourselves toward Christ. And, we learn how God expects us to conduct ourselves in our marriages. Jesus Christ loved the church and sacrificed His life to cleanse and sanctify her (Eph. 5:25-27). His sacrificial love compels the church to eagerly submit to Christ (“the head of the church”) in everything (Eph. 5:23-24). Like Christ, the husband is the “head of the wife,” and is to love his wife “as Christ loved the church” (Eph. 5:23, 25). And, “just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their husbands in everything” (Eph. 5:24). Jesus is the great Servant-Leader, who died so His bride, the church, could live. As a husband, you must be a Servant-Leader, serving the best interests of your wife with sacrificial love. And, just as the church adores and honors Christ by following His leadership, the wife is to respect and honor her husband by following his leadership in all things. Such unity of mind and purpose between Christ and His church produces a fulfilled, holy, and eternal relationship (Eph. 5:27). Likewise, marriage thrives when God’s will is followed by the husband and the wife. Husband, love your wife and be the leader God wants you to be in your home. Wife, honor your husband with loving respect.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:25, NKJV)
How incredible would your marriage be if you loved you wife as Christ loved the church? Wonderful, you say? Hopefully so. Yet, what if your wife becomes “lukewarm” toward your love, just as the church of the Laodiceans became lukewarm toward Jesus Christ (Rev. 3:14-16)? Even that must not deter and diminish your love for your wife. You see, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church. Christ continued to love the Laodicean church when it was less than loving, using words of rebuke and chastening to urge her repentance (Rev. 3:19). Christ’s utter and complete sacrifice of himself for His church is the model for every husband’s treatment of his wife. Loving your wife is not about getting something from her in return. It is not about always doing everything she wants. It is about always looking out for what is in her best interest, especially when that means making a sacrifice on your part. Hopefully, she will see your love and honor you for it. But, if she fails to see and value this sort of love, do not stop sacrificially loving her. You must remain true to the Lord, and that includes being a righteous, loving husband at all times.
Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun. (Ecclesiastes 9:9, NKJV)
God provides humanity with the keys of a fulfilled life on earth, even as He explains that life “under the sun” is empty when we make physical pursuits the sum of life’s purpose. Fearing God and keeping His commandments is gives wholeness to life (Eccl. 12:13). When God saw it was not good that Adam was alone, He created woman and presented her to him as his wife – his lifelong companion who corresponded to him like none other. And so, marriage is given by God to provide joy and fulfillment during our days on earth. It is our portion in life, given by the Giver of life for us to enjoy. How sad that many marriages become the source of heartache and conflict. Make it your aim to honor God’s gift of marriage by honoring your husband or wife. God-approved marriage is a blessing, not a burden. Accept His blessing by showing joyful devotion to your spouse, thanksgiving to God and loving responsibility toward each other.
18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. (Colossians 3:18–19, NKJV)
God arranged the roles of husbands and wives in marriage. He mandates and obligates husbands to practice honoring love toward their wives. He mandates and obligates wives to show submissive respect toward their husbands. The wife who respects her husband is more readily held in esteem and honor by her husband. The husband who acts in love toward his wife is more likely to receive her kind affection instead of the bitterness that grows out of selfish neglect. Husbands and wives “feed” off of each other. How you treat your spouse has a direct effect on how he or she treats you. Each must bear their responsibility before God to fulfill the role He gave them. By doing so, both influence the other for what is right and good in God’s sight.
He who finds a wife finds a good thing, and obtains favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22, NKJV)
Who you find to marry makes a huge difference in your life. God arranged marriage for one man and one woman for life (Gen. 2:18-25). By it, loneliness is averted through a companionship that unites two into “one flesh”. While millions minimize marriage, sinning against God by living together, marriage continues to be “honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge” (Heb. 13:4). Marriage is intended to bring joy and fulfillment to life, not painful complaint, criticism and cynicism. A good wife (or husband) is a great blessing from the Lord. So, choose your mate wisely and live in the Lord’s favor. If you are already married, then make it your aim to be the kind of wife or husband who brings your spouse joy and gladness.
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)
Husbands, the Lord is speaking to us! What He says here ought to grab our attention! It is so important to God that we husbands live with our wives in an understand and honorable way, that if we fail to do so, He will not receive our prayers. Our spiritual life is hindered – we sin – when we mistreat our wives by not learning to understand her. Respect your wife by giving your time and attention to improving your relationship with her. Listen to her and really communicate with her about your life together. She wants to share her life with you. That is what God wants for you both. After all, isn’t that what you wanted when you said, “I do”? It takes hard work, but she is worth it. And what’s more, your soul (and hers) is worth it.